Reality #3: Maybe It's Time To Change

I was born a tobacco farmer's daughter. Some of those anti-smoking/anti-tobacco people may not understand exactly what that means, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

You see, I have seen my parents work from 5 in the morning until 8 at night, sometimes later. I've seen them come home from the fields so tired, bodies worn, muscles aching, their faces covered in dust, and their hands covered in calluses.

I have helped them with farm work, but often times they would not let me. This was not because they didn't need the help. Rather, they would always say to me: "We don't want you to be stuck doing this the rest of your life."

When I was growing up, I didn't really understand what this meant. But now I do.

My parents wanted me to not only have more than they had growing up, but they wanted me to simply follow my dreams and do great things. They didn't want me to have to lose sleep and have the wear and tear on my body like they have. For some reason, however, I have always been terrified of this.

As much as I have always wanted to run and greet the world and all it has to offer, I have always been afraid that I will not make it on my own. I've been afraid that I would depart from my hometown a somebody and return a nobody.

I know that everyone feels this way at some point in their lives: always the dreamer but never quite the doer. Not that I haven't been a doer my entire life; I have accomplished quite a few great feats. It's just that fear has this overwhelming way of holding a person back.

I fear leaving my family and missing out on priceless moments. I fear moving away and losing who I really am. I think what I fear the most is actually capturing my dream, only to be disappointed that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

At 23 years of age, I am terrified of the unknown.

At 23 years of age, I'm already more stressed than I should be.

At 23 years of age, I'm still trying to find myself.

At 23 years of age, I'm wondering when it will be my time to overcome the fear and take hold of my dreams.

And maybe that time is now. Maybe it's time to change my train of thought and leave it all behind. This doesn't mean that I can't return to the life I once had. It just means that - succeed or fail - at least I will know that I tried.

Yeah, maybe it is time to change...

~Mj~