Reality #8- 2010

Another year has flashed before my eyes. It seems like the older I get the faster time ticks away. If I could slow down time, I would. Time is the only thing we don’t get back, so I want enjoy every second of my life.

In 2010 I did not enjoy every second but I did have some good times. I encourage everybody to sit down and think about this year from January 1st till now. You will be amazed by how much you have changed in just one year. It could be for the good or for the bad, but no matter what, we need to learn and become better people.

I sat down and took a look back on the year 2010 and these were some of the things that happened to me.

In 2010 I found God again.

In 2010 I realized that my dreams are reachable.

In 2010 I saw my friend’s graduate college without me.

In 2010 I was called a jerk for the millionth time.

In 2010 I drifted even more apart from my Mom.

In 2010 I learned to forgive my Mom.
In 2010 I built a real relationship with my Dad.

In 2010 I became close friends with a new roommate.

In 2010 I was rejected.

In 2010 I finally learned who I am.

In 2010 I saw friends get engaged and marry.

In 2010 I enjoyed being single.

In 2010 I searched for someone to fall in love with.

In 2010 I was lonely.

In 2010 I was scared.

In 2010 I was bleeding.

In 2010 I was sad.

In 2010 I was happy.

In 2010 I was laughing.

In 2010 I was loved.

In 2010 I lived.

I could tell you what I’m going to do in 2011 but I don’t want to. I want you to see what I’m going to do. I want you to hear about how I am making 2011 the best year of my life. No matter what happens, I know it will be the best year in my life. I have God inside me and with God nothing is impossible. So please sit down and watch me make history.

2011 give me your best shot.

Jeremy

Reality #7: The Sun's Gonna Shine In Your Back Door One Day

This morning was a pile of crap. Literally.

When I got into my SUV I happened to look down at my feet only to see dog crap all over my floor mat...and all over my shoes and even on my jeans. And the thing is, it wasn't even from my dog. Just great. What a way to start a morning!

I was so mad on my way to work, which I was late to by the way because of the mess that had to be clean.

Anyways, the moral to my lame story is that sometimes life is just that: a big pile of crap.

I've been at points in my life when I've felt like I had hit rock bottom. I would think to myself, "Things couldn't possibly get any worse." And then guess what? They do.

Looking back at this past year, at times my life has seemed more like a game than an actual journey. It's been full of twist and turns, sorry's, and even some climbing up ladders only to be pushed down a few chutes.

Sometimes I feel like I have had more losses than wins. But then again, is that really true? Or have I just been allowing the bad moments to outshine the good ones?

Betrayed. Stressed. Overwhelmed. Ashamed. Disrespected. Inferior. Manipulated. Powerless. Misled. Frightened. Unimportant. Misunderstood. Confused. Insulted. Insecure. These are all the negative feelings that I have let consume my life this year.

But, as I think back, perhaps the positives feelings have at least balanced out the bad, maybe even outweighed them at certain points. Loved. Encouraged. Respected. Appreciated. Reassured. Confident. Dignified. Happy. Accomplished.

Sometimes...no, a lot of times, I let the bad things in my life completely rip me apart. But this year, hopefully I will begin to have even more blessings and more positiveness in my life. And when the bad days come, as they inevitably will do, I'll just take the advice of Andy Griffith:

"Things look bad right now, but the sun's gonna shine in your back door one day."

Thanks, Andy. I appreciate it.

~Mj~

Reality #6- Love

All the love in the world could not save us


Road blocks between address to address

But no matter what I do

That day will always be stuck in my head like glue

The memory is so fresh in my mind

I wish I could just press rewind

I would never said those words

I would act like me and not so absurd

I would kiss you all night

I would speak instead of being quite

I would hold your hand

I would never give you a command

I would make love to you

I would show you that my love is true

But we both know that I did not

I was just walking blind

For that I am sorry

The regret is for me to carry

Because I just let you walk out that door

I acted like I did not love you anymore

That could never be the truth

I was just living in the dumb youth

If I was me now back then

I would give a good name to men

Never let you leave my bed

Speak from the heart and not the head

Tell you that I don’t want anyone else

The love I have for you is bigger than the sea

But we both know that I did not

For that I am sorry

You’re the love that could be

Jeremy

Reality #5: Take It For Granted And You Will Lose It

There are many things in life that people take for granted everyday, I being one of those people.

For instance, sometimes I really hate my job...but then again at least I have a job.

Sometimes, as a woman, I absolutely dread shaving my legs (not that any of you really needed to know that)...but then I think at least I have legs to shave.

There are times when I get frustrated with my family...but then I know that my family is made of great people, and for that I am grateful.

Therefore, I know I am not perfect. I know I take for granted a lot of things. But do you know what hurts the most? What hurts is when you, yourself, are taken for granted. There is never a feeling quite like that type of pain.

Do you know what it feels like to give all your love and dedication to someone that doesn't put you--or the relationship for that matter--first? Let me put it in layman's term: it sucks. It hurts down to the core of your innermost being.

Even beyond the pain, there comes a sense of unfairness to it all. It isn't fair for you to do all you can to put the other person first, be it a spouse, a friend or a family member, only to have them not put you first. And when I say this, it doesn't mean you are selfish. It simply means that you want in return what you have given to them: full dedication, respect and love.

And maybe you're the one that, instead of being taken for granted, you have taken someone for granted in your life. If this is the case, then do all you can before you it is too late. And if you have already lost that person because of your selfishness, then at least do what is right. Call that person. Send him or her a text. Apologize. It may not make a difference to them at the moment, but in the long run, it will make a difference down the road. Trust me.

So, as you make your New Year's resolutions, please remember this: never take the one you love for granted. No matter how much your selfishness wants to come through, just remember that what you have can be gone in an instant. Always keep that flame burning and never expect it to burn on it's own, or you will lose the most important person in your life.

~Mj~

Reality #4- Life

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching” by Unknown.


That quote has been running through my head for the past couple of days. I don’t know about you guys, but if I look back in my life there is things I don’t want to watch. There are things I don’t want to remember. There are things I wish I could have a redo. Then there are things I want to watch. There are things I want to relive. There are things I wished never changed, but that’s life.

I never really sat down and thought about what life is? What’s the meaning of life? According to dictionary.com life is the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

I don’t know about you but that definition means nothing to me. So I had to search within myself and think really hard about what life really is? Right before I started to write this blog, it hit me. Life is whatever you make it out to be. For me life is about love, dreams, friends, family, and doing it my way. I don’t know what the definition of life is for you, but only you can answer that for yourself.

Life is not going to be easy. Life is going to be hard and there are going be times when we want to give up because it feels like we have hit rock bottom. There have been times when I just want to say I’m done, I quit. I can’t do this anymore, but every time I’m about to say those words, I think about the Jim Valano speech at the ESPY’S, when he told the audience filled with professional athletes and movie stars, don’t give up…. don’t ever give up. As those words run through my head, I know that I can’t give up. I got to stand back up and keep on living my life. No matter how hard life gets, I’m going to keep walking because nothing is going to stop me from being happy and living my life the way I want to live it.

Jeremy

Reality #3: Maybe It's Time To Change

I was born a tobacco farmer's daughter. Some of those anti-smoking/anti-tobacco people may not understand exactly what that means, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

You see, I have seen my parents work from 5 in the morning until 8 at night, sometimes later. I've seen them come home from the fields so tired, bodies worn, muscles aching, their faces covered in dust, and their hands covered in calluses.

I have helped them with farm work, but often times they would not let me. This was not because they didn't need the help. Rather, they would always say to me: "We don't want you to be stuck doing this the rest of your life."

When I was growing up, I didn't really understand what this meant. But now I do.

My parents wanted me to not only have more than they had growing up, but they wanted me to simply follow my dreams and do great things. They didn't want me to have to lose sleep and have the wear and tear on my body like they have. For some reason, however, I have always been terrified of this.

As much as I have always wanted to run and greet the world and all it has to offer, I have always been afraid that I will not make it on my own. I've been afraid that I would depart from my hometown a somebody and return a nobody.

I know that everyone feels this way at some point in their lives: always the dreamer but never quite the doer. Not that I haven't been a doer my entire life; I have accomplished quite a few great feats. It's just that fear has this overwhelming way of holding a person back.

I fear leaving my family and missing out on priceless moments. I fear moving away and losing who I really am. I think what I fear the most is actually capturing my dream, only to be disappointed that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

At 23 years of age, I am terrified of the unknown.

At 23 years of age, I'm already more stressed than I should be.

At 23 years of age, I'm still trying to find myself.

At 23 years of age, I'm wondering when it will be my time to overcome the fear and take hold of my dreams.

And maybe that time is now. Maybe it's time to change my train of thought and leave it all behind. This doesn't mean that I can't return to the life I once had. It just means that - succeed or fail - at least I will know that I tried.

Yeah, maybe it is time to change...

~Mj~

Reality 2: The Dream

What happens to childhood dreams when we grow up? Do we stop believing in them? Do they seem impossible? Does society tell us that we have to be responsible? Are we afraid of what might be if we actually took a leap of faith and made our childhood dream a reality?

My childhood dreams are to become an actor and to become a MMA fighter. For me, the leap of faith is about to become a reality. For the past couple of years I have been talking about and goofing with movies and MMA. My brother and I have made a couple of short films but none of them have been any good. This January, we are about to shoot a B-horror film called The Return and start our own production company. For MMA, I have now been training on and off for a couple of years. I’ve never been able to give my full time and energy to the sport because of school, but now I’m able to dedicate my full time to it. I am aiming for my first official fight in June or July.

I am 22 years old and I’m about to enter my last semester of college. The question everybody asks me is “what you going to do after school?” I used to tell them I don’t know, but that was just a lie. I would lie to them because I didn’t want to people to judge me for saying MMA or movies. Let’s be honest, they aren’t really looked upon as smart career moves but in the past month something has changed in me. I don’t care what people think about me anymore. I’m not afraid to say I’m chasing my childhood dreams. I’m not going to be one of those people who never went for their dreams because of whatever reason. People can say that I am never going to be an MMA fighter or an actor. That’s fine with me. Let them talk, because I know I will be a MMA fighter; I know I will be a actor.

Jeremy

Reality #1: Trust Should Be a Four-Letter Word

I currently work at a small newspaper in the middle of nowhere. For those of you that don't know, that's half way between somewhere and over there. In other words, I work in a nice town with nice people, but nothing too overly exciting. I spend most days doing composition work...setting up obituaries and also stories that others write.


This past week, I helped type-up "Dear Santa" letters written by local children for our special Christmas section. Most letters were cute and funny, but one caught my attention and brought me back to reality.

In the letter, the kid asked for a lot of things, including an iPod and a Playstation. Before closing, he wrote, "I know you will bring them because I trust you."

Trust.


What does that even mean anymore? Here, you have a child being taught by society to put so much trust in a single person. What happens if the kid doesn't get everything he asked for? What happens when he knows the truth? What will trust mean to him then?


The thing is, though, that people put trust in others on a daily basis. People wouldn't trust a stranger with their bank account, and yet they trust others so easily to handle their hearts, souls, and emotions. Some may say that you have to trust someone until they cause you to lose trust in them. But to me, doing this just says that you are RISKING EVERYTHING.


I think trust should be considered a four-letter word. It causes so much pain when broken.
Maybe we as a society have it backwards. Maybe we should start teaching others - teaching ourselves - to NOT trust until someone proves to us that they can, in fact, be trusted. I think we would be able to save ourselves from a lot of emotional damage, perhaps even help ourselves to become immune to the disease of being let down.


Life isn't easy, especially when it comes to trusting others. I have learned that multiple times in the course of my life. Bosses will let you down. Friends will let you down. The ones you love the most will let you down.

I want to sound optimistic and say that you can overcome the hurt that others cause you by crushing your trust in them, but I won't because that isn't always true. The pain and hurt never truly goes away. The people that betray you seem to think that you only lose trust in them. In reality, they set a standard for everyone else that comes into your life, a standard in which from now on out you will never put trust in a single entity ever again.

It's not like loving someone. People fall in and out of love all the time, and in my opinion that is natural. With trust, however, when you lose it, it's like a part of you dies a little inside. You will worry yourself sick with whether or not someone is being honest with you. It is an emotional drain. It's so unexplainable, and yet for those of you who know what I mean, it's so surreal.

Deep down inside, I hope that little kid gets everything from Santa that he asks for. Then maybe, just maybe, he will at least get to hold on to that trust while he still can.

I just wish I could say the same for the rest of us.

~MJ~