Reality #27: The Fear

Nearly my entire life I have lived maturely. In high school I studied my butt off to get scholarships to attend college, and when I got to college I spent my time studying even more (even though at times I worked hard and played even harder).

I am now out of college and am in the work force. I am employed full-time at a newspaper, doing inside sales advertising.  It's a good job and pays the bills. I have a man that says he loves me. and a family that sometimes seems to think I hang the moon.

But for some reason now, at the age of almost 24, I feel like going back to college mode, or at least young adult/no responsibilities mode. I feel like going to parties, going to clubs on weekends, those kinds of things.

And the thing is, I never felt like going and partying it up before. So why now? Why do I have this sudden urge in me to do these things?

Is it the fear of growing up? Of settling down? Of feeling held back for some reason?

I mean, in reality, what I really want in life is to be happy, to love, to have children, to be successful.

So why now do I want to go back to what most would consider immature ways?

Is it just doubt running through my mind?  And if so, is this doubt that everyone unavoidably experiences at some point in their life??

Love.
Life.
Dreams.
Me.


I thought I knew once. Now I'm not so sure....

~Mj~